Every day the OpenSignal app picks up thousands of new Wi-Fi names. Rather than leave them languishing in our servers, we thought we’d share some of our favourites with you. This week our theme is ‘The Neighbours’.
1) Serial killer neighbor watchingU – Anaheim, California
The best thing about these ‘neighbour’ Wi-Fi names is that they have an exciting ambiguity to them. On the one hand this guy could be a neighbourhood hero, holed up in his house with only his Wi-Fi name to broadcast to the outside world. He might sit there day and night, nervously watching the blinking green light on his router, ceaselessly warning newcomers about the real and present dangers of the Anaheim Axeman’s famously unyielding stare. Sure, he could just call the cops. He could just move away. But he is the hero that Anaheim deserves… although not necessarily the one it needs.
On the other hand, this might be the Wi-Fi of one of the most exhibitionist serial killers ever. The kind who has a twitter account and uses ‘#murder’ A LOT.
2) My Neighbors have ugly kids – St Louis, Missouri
Whoah, whoah, whoah, the kids? He went for the kids? Come on man, let’s calm down. Take 5. Drink a Snapple. That was uncalled for. No one wants this (seriously though, what even is this?) to get ugly. The best thing about this Wi-Fi name is that it’s just so passive aggressive. The guy doesn’t come right out and say ‘yo, neighbours, your kids are UGLY’, he just leaves it hanging there, like a WLAN encrypted note floating in the ether. If you’re going to insult someone’s family at least come out and do it direct. Or, you know, via Wi-Fi.
3) Zombies ate my neighbors – Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Seriously. Dude. The zombies are going to SEE THIS. It might be too late for the neighbours, but you still have time to save yourself. Any second now the zombies are going to pick up your Wi-Fi on their Windows Phones (amirite? who’s with me?). Man, I need to get a laughter track for this blog.
Also, anyone who clicked on the Windows Phone link deserves exactly what they got.
4) don’t covet thy neighbors wifi – Minneapolis (again).
What better defence against the zombies currently rampaging through downtown Minneapolis than getting back to biblical basics? Sure, the coveting of Wi-Fi might not have made the top 10 back in Moses’ time, but right now it’s a pressing issue. I like the idea of a Wi-Fi based moral education, I just hope this guy is dedicated enough to keep all eleven commandments rotating through a weekly cycle. Maybe he should move to Anaheim and get ‘Thou Shalt not Kill’ broadcasting across the airwaves. I know a guy up there who could sure use some help.